And so feng shui became my biggest consideration and commitment in every home I had. It never let me down. At least not until I started a family ... Once the kids came, I lost my handle on it all. I still 'feng shui'd', but it didn't seem to be having the kind of positive impact on my home and my life as it had in the past. I was crushed, especially since I had decided to make feng shui the focus of my life's work. And now it wasn't working!
I felt like our place was a mess all the time and I didn' t know where to begin. Life would get crazy, the dishwasher wouldn't get unloaded and then suddenly the whole kitchen was an explosion. I'd spend three solid days catching up on laundry (no one tells you how much laundry kids come with!!) only to find the bins full again when I was done. I spent way too many Saturdays shuffling the kids off with the hubs so I could just get a few hours of cleaning and catch up done. And I'd be mad!!! Because they were out playing and I was home cleaning. Wait. What? I signed up for this??? But if I didn't do it, the week would snowball, and we'd all (especially me) be miserable all the way through it.
For a good bit of time I felt like a failure. I must not be good at feng shui, because I can't make it work in my own home. I must not be a good parent, because I'm not that happy with the workload it comes with and I'm always yelling or crying about it. I must be a terrible homemaker, because my house is always downright messy and dirty. And even worse, I felt like a terrible wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc. because I had nothing left to put into my relationships. Ugly, right?! It wasn't pretty accross the board.
At first, I decided maybe this mother/homemaker thing was a learning curve, so I consulted all the really put together mom's on the internet who seemed to handle it all with ease. I followed their organizing tips, but it would fall apart in a few weeks. I tried getting up earlier, but that just made me more tired later. I used schedules, notes and reminders to keep me on track but still lacked consistency. Sheesh, this was hard!!
I kept playing with feng shui too, because it's just my thing, and I started to realize that this time it wasn't the placement of the stuff that was the issue - it was the stuff itself. Now that we had kids I was getting buried by all the things that came with them! Toys, clothes, special dishes, lotions, medicines, carriers, blankets, more toys, more clothes ... JUST. TOO. MUCH!! That's when the real message of feng shui started to fall into place for me -- everything is energy - and it either lifts you up or pulls you down. I was getting dragged down fast!
I started to look around with a new view - all this stuff I thought we needed - and I thought brought benefit to us - and I thought we were blessed to have - was actually also a curse. Nevermind the financial cost of it all (ouch!), the cost to keep it, clean it, to find room for it, to put it away, over and over again was impacting my well-being as well as my families happiness. I used to think clutter was anything that didn't get used or loved, but I started to consider that maybe it was also anything that took more energy than it added back in.
In the last few years we've let alot of stuff go. It took alot of time - this undoing of years of accumulating - but things started to feel better and I knew I was on the right track. We thinned out toys and thinned out clothes (that was a BIG help!) but it didn't stop there. I let go of tea sets I had collected for years, gave away pricey kitchen tools and all the convenience they promised, and most importantly, I stopped bringing more stuff in. I knew now that there was no pretty little houseplant or perfect find from Homegoods that was going to make me or this house feel better -- having less stuff to care for was the only cure that was working.
I've read about other moms on the internet who realized this too and gave away just about everything in the name of reclaiming their happiness. I'm not there yet. I probably never will be. But I feel like our home is back and the good feng shui is flowing. I can let things go for a day and it doesn't take 3 days to catch back up. This Christmas, we had room to put away what came in with ease - that has never happened before. We still havent found the magic spot where the pendulum is balanced at all times, but it sure finally feels tipped in the right direction.
So it wasn't the feng shui that was letting me down. And it wasn't that I was bad at parenting, It was all the stuff -- all that stuff was getting in the way of good feng shui flow and it was weighing the place down. Very far down.
Phew! What a relief to know I don't need to give my kids to a better mom or alter my career path. Instead I think I have more fuel to teach what I love with even more conviction. If too much stuff is getting you down, there's a whole section of my new book dedicated to releasing it!
USING YOUR HOME AS YOUR VISION BOARD IN 2017
Did you know that your house is a powerful manifesting tool? Learn to use your home to attract and support what you want from all areas of your life. We’ll start with a short introduction to feng shui and how it can help you harness the energy within your house for the benefit of all the occupants. Next we’ll use mind mapping to clarify 2017 goals for each area of our life, and we’ll use the feng shui bagua to locate the energy centers in our home that relate to each aspiration. Last, we’ll discuss cures and enhancements and where to place them in the house to support a successful 2017. Bring a rough sketch of the main floor of your home to work with during the session. Advance registration required -- $25 per person -- materials provided.
Tuesday, January 17th, 7pm - 9:30pm
Kamala SoulCircles, 747 Washington Street Holliston